Have you ever had the doldrums? Everyone gets down in the dumps at one time or another I suppose. Not to the point of suicide of course, but now that I’ve aged, it starts to make you think of your own lifespan. In fact, when I was younger, still in my 30’s and recovering from my cancer, I figured that my lifespan would be no more than 60 years old. Now that I’ve just about reached that age, my health, despite needing to be hospitalized 2-3 times per year, I’m in, I would say, in pretty good shape. Of course, personal experience in one’s life plays a big part in their psyche, and taking cancer to its limit and surviving, coupled with my war experience, along with an early unchaste life, can be devastating. Thankfully my family doesn’t have a history of mental issues, acid reflux, brittle bones or stomach ulcers, but what I experience in my episodes can still leave a hole in my daily life.
My melancholy is not a constant issue. It’s kinda like keeping my emergency room visits and hospitalizations under wraps. I was hospitalized twice this year, and it always seems to be in the first few months of each year. I almost posted a picture of myself on Facebook with a tube up my nose, kinda like the one posted with the 25th anniversary column of my cancer diagnosis last year. I try to keep from worrying when I’m sick, but it does involve a lot of constant, well, worrying, mostly about my mortality, almost to the point of not wanting to sleep more than a few hours. I’ve always taken some cocktail of meds to help with my sleep, mostly to combat bad dreams, waking to the feeling of imminent death, which are the worst. Of course with the cocktail, I rarely dream, which I suppose is OK. I believe good dreams are healthy for our brains, and I miss them. I dream as often as one with ED problems has morning wood. lol. Which is a rarity with one who has had a radical left orchiectomy with lymph node dissection.
My depression is caused by so many reasons, but I can fight it with meds. And I was off my meds for a bit, and it takes so much from you. I lost my appetite, and when tapping the keys, I was so distracted. I couldn’t concentrate with the thought of something bad happening to me every second of the day, and it didn’t occur to me I was off my meds until they arrived in the mail.
And it got me to thinking after my mind returned to some normality, that I feel sorry for those who can’t help themselves with the evil that life has thrown at them in being physically or sexually abused. Or those who feel unloved, or are disfigured in mind or body. All, not by their own fault, but life has thrust destruction upon them. I wish I could heal their pain.
I was saddened by talking with a friend, whose son was badly burned in a bad accident recently. And of course her son is in his early 20s and having no health insurance, she is maxing out credit cards to pay medical bills.
I know each of us has our own problems, but to look at someone because they have a nice job, house, car, or body, and want to be them, I think it’s a mistake. You never know what is going on in their lives. They might be in great debt living too high on the hog, or have a disease they are hiding. Just live the best life you can. Of course, I’d love to be taller, but I would have been dead from several close calls in Europe and Iraq. I’d love to travel, but my health history isn’t the best designed for the road. And even then I’m happy. I’m alive. And every day that I wake up I’m grateful to still be around.
I write for you, and my friends. I don’t need to, but I want to. I’ve found a niche that not many people are not fit for, being able to put sentences together that many are entertained and informed by. I make it a point not to take life so seriously, and love to write to piss off Socialists, while at the same time making sensible people laugh. It gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling. It helps me fight my melancholy, washing it away.
When someone tries to insult me by pointing out flaws in President Trump, I don’t get mad. Like I said, I don’t take life that seriously. I saw a recent clip of CNN’s Van Jones interviewing some Black Voters over the weekend, asking them if they would still vote for Trump. They all say, ‘Yes,’ and why not? All of those voters knew the White Democrats would come crawling back at election time like a Foreman with a whip on a Slave Plantation, saying ‘Get in line and Vote Democrat.’ Well, those Black Voters broke those chains and ran, I was so proud. The Black gentleman even called Trump an ‘a-hole,’ but he’d still vote for him. It made me laugh. And now, I call Trump, ‘My a-hole.’ Because everyone takes care of their own, and I’m sending a bidet up to the White House, because if you have one, it better be clean.
That reminds me, at the Walden Men’s Club this past Friday, I was speaking at my table to some of my CSO loving friends who live in Walden, and the subject of travel came up, and my argument for staying away from home for no more than two days is because I need to use my bidet. The loudest laughs from the whole place came from my table, with everyone just going on and on about bidets. My friend Ron even admitted his wife uses a true French bidet, which looks like a small kids sink, but I argued for the Japanese version which has been perfected, as noted in my column ‘To Bidet or Not To Bidet,’ in which I wrote on the essay of my friend Don Turner, a Japanophile of the First Order, and user of like 40 years.
I don’t get upset if someone puts down Trump. He can take care of himself, and he does. He’ll put a worthless Socialist interviewer in their place without lifting a finger. He’s shown others how to do it, and it’s satisfying to see those on the Right of Center not taking the premise of the questions from the left. Trump exhibits common sense, he fights for the Right, he puts America, Apple Pie, the Flag, and Freedom First, and that’s all I care about.
I’m not gonna let Socialist make me sad. I Love how Trump trolls them, such as with the recent Trump ‘AI Pope’ and ‘Star Wars’ photos. Laughing allows me to fight for my sanity, and I encourage you to fight for yours as well. Think positive. Don’t let others think for you. Promote Freedom of Thought, and Fight for Healthy Minds.
Ruben can be reached at: ruben@montgomerycountynews.net
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