February is Rotary’s Peacebuilding and Conflict Resolution month in Rotary. Both are skills that each of us should master. When you consider the state of the world, and the state of our country today, you can see the need for these skills everywhere.
In our own country, people are dividing along multiple lines, whether they are political, social, monetary, racial, or you name it; people are separating into their own villages and societies. That in and of itself is not a problem until we begin to judge others who are not in our village of looks or beliefs. That is where the trouble begins.
Somehow, we have forgotten how to disagree. We often see political parties, celebrities, and the media all publicly disrespect those whose personal opinions, beliefs, behaviors, or even physical appearances are different than theirs. Even though we see others do it, it does not mean it is right. So how do we go about disagreeing with others? The current approach of disrespect and name calling is not acceptable. Here are a few things to keep in mind.
First, treat everyone with respect and dignity. Treat the other person like you feel you should be treated. Be the example. If the other person stoops to disrespectful statements, let them know that personal disrespect is not advancing the discussion and disengage, letting them know that respect for the relationship is more important than the problem.
Second, ask questions, do not give answers. Listen actively and try to understand the basic issues or problem. Is the disagreement about an individual issue or is there a deeper problem in the relationship?
Third, observe, Study the interactions occurring, be sensitive to emotional responses and watch for triggers. Identified triggers are a place to gain understanding. Body language gives information about how comfortable or uncomfortable someone might be at some point in the discussion.
Fourth, clarify, clarify, clarify!!! Make no assumptions, do not “fill in the blanks” if there is information or points that have not been discussed or defined. Take the time to dig into the detail if it has not already been discussed.
Fifth, feelings matter. Everyone has feelings that are real because they belong to the person. “You shouldn’t feel that way” or similar statements should never be used, those type of statements invalidate the other person’s feelings. They will feel they are not heard or that you are saying their feelings do not matter. Listen with empathy. “I am sorry you feel that way” or I did not intend to make you feel that way” are much better approaches. Avoiding blame is another important feelings-based approach.
Finally, if the dispute requires follow-up be certain ownership is shared and communication is a little more frequent than needed.
This world gives us too many opportunities to engage in disputes with others, from Facebook to work to daily life. Life is more interesting when we accept and understand our differences. Investing in respect for others is investing in yourself and your future. Be the example!!!
If the full content does not display, visit the article originally published on this site
